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I have been engaged for five days in a variation of the same battle my wife (she still is in my heart) has been in for ten years. How she did that - even with Christ's help - is a mystery to me. Even through all that has happened this week, He reveals to me what an amazing woman I have been missing all these years. I have been a fool, but I am no longer a fool. God has recused me and set forth a fire in my heart. No longer do I rely on my strength or wisdom.

Each day since the shattering news, God has woken me up at 4AM and not let it be so that a mere repositioning of the head or body on a bed or pillow can cause a return to sleep. I get it, Lord. I have a job, three kids at home (still) and many responsibilities. I am tired at the end of the day and rarely stop moving during waking hours. When else am I supposed to meet You alone and with the ability to focus? When else can I bear my soul in solitude? When else can You build me up? When else can I re-forge my relationship with my Savior? When else? There are cries for help throughout the day. There are deliberate prayers throughout the day. But that is not the same as this 4AM appointment.

You weren't just good, kind and merciful enough to provide the grace to rescue me (and at such a cost...both earthly and Divine...that I cannot fathom). You even set up the daily appointment on my calendar for me. Given the power I've seen first hand at Your command this week, I'm a bit surprised that there wasn't an iCal entry for the recurring appointment.

Break me every moment, Lord. Make me an instrument of Your love and kindness. You put me back on the right path. Help me to follow you.